It’s one thing to communicate. It’s another thing to communicate effectively. Anyone who has ever participated in a conversation that left them feeling confused or misunderstood knows this fact all too well. To help us all become better communicators I am happy to welcome as a guest blogger to Marti Ink, life coach/relationship expert Junice “J-Rock” Rockmond, co-author of the book 21 Days to a Better Marriage. Without further delay, heeeeeeeere’s Junice!
Some of our most common problems in relationships occur because of selfishness. As human beings, we typically tend to be more focused on ourselves and quite frankly, we want to be “right”. Often, in our quest to prove our point of view, issues are left unresolved, resentment can build and little gets accomplished in the way of understanding. In order to win at relationships, we have to be willing to let go of selfishness and consider adopting a self-less mindset. After all, do you want to be right in your relationships or do you want to be happy? When you feel as though you’ve won every disagreement, you really aren’t winning very much at all because a lack of understanding still exists.
The Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “Communication” as “Intercourse by words, letters, or messages; interchange of thoughts or opinions”. This exchange that takes place should be done with the goal of both parties walking away with having gained something, otherwise it is one sided and there’s no exchange of ideas at all. Author, Stephen Covey said it best in his book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” “Seek first to understand and then to be understood”. We allow our character to develop when we strive to see the world through the eyes of others around us. Communication takes both active talking as well as active listening. When you are in a dialogue and the other person is talking, you should be intently working to embrace and understand their perspective. However, in so many cases, instead of actually listening, we are just waiting to respond or thinking of points to build our case.
Over time, as you become more secure in who you are, you will find it less important to control or dictate what others think. In fact, the more controlling a person is, typically reveals a person that feels quite out of control underneath the surface. In fact, when we choose to let go of the need to control and be right, it actually allows the other person to consider what we are trying to convey. In addition, instead of putting so much energy into changing those around us, we can take this time to better ourselves. If you want better relationships with your friends, children or spouse work at becoming the best version of yourself that you can possibly become. As those around you see your evolution it will often cause a ripple effect in their attitude, behavior and approach. Effective communication begins with you working to be the change in the world that you want to see. Before you start your next dialogue or debate, avoid playing the “blame game,” take personal responsibility, don’t raise your voice and try to understand the other party’s point of view. You can still honestly express your feelings and work toward change over time. It may be a process, but over time you will improve your relationship as well as yourself.
Junice “J-Rock” Rockman is a certified life coach, relationship expert and journalist. You may follow her columns at www.jrockmotivates.com or send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org To find out more about coaching, The Rockman’s tour schedule or coaching practice, go to http://www.championslifecoaching.com.
Thank you Junice!
Until next time…
Photo: (Opening Couple) http://www.pickthebrain.com